Pull the Trigger
by Ciara2
Summary: A story about a vampire with a now disfunctional chip, a hell of a lot of pent up issues, and a clear view of the slayer... A Spike inner monologue.


Just pick it up

Just pick it up. That's right, pick the bloody thing up and bring it to… that's right… slowly now, not too fast 

Stop shaking. You're shaking like crazy! Look at your bleeding arm, it's like jelly. No, wait… you dropped it. You dropped it. You wanker! See, I told you that you were shaking too much. Bend down… slowly. Now then, that's right… now, lift it up again. 

No, you can't cry! Stop bloody crying! You can't cry now, you're the one who's going to be rid of the bitch. Don't you dare bring the gun down!!! No, seriously Spike, don't be a wuss! Bring the gun back up… not too quick! 

Right then, set the sights. Slowly, you don't want muck it up, do you, mate? Look, will you stop shaking!? You've come this far, the bitch deserves it! You know what she says, she couldn't care less. Frankly, the world'd be better off without this one.

Oh come on! You've given up *everything* for this one moment! And you're going to universely fuck it up because of a crush! You've a vampire, man, have dignity! Just lift the gun back up and rest it on your shoulder.

No… you're not having second thoughts… no… Spike! Listen to yourself, you're doubting whether or not to put a bullet in the slayer's head. Oh, 'not a fair fight' my ass! Think of all the times she's beaten the crap out of you while you had that bleedin' chip in your head. Was that fair?

And now you've gone all the way, even bloody *killing Dru* just to get that chip out, and you're doubting yourself. You have the gun in your hands. It's loaded. She doesn't know you're even thinking about this. She doesn't even know you have the chip out!

You know, you're more of a wuss than you thought yourself. So much for soft around the edges, you're a bloody poof. Angel-like poof. Next you'll be parading in soulfull-ness. Why don't you *ask* the witch to restore yours. Wanker.

Oh yes, now, that's a cunning plan. Kick that chair in anger, maybe it'll do something to help the situation. Maybe the slayer'll hear you breaking furniture, realize your plan to kill her and put you out of your bloody misery. So yeah, Spike, be an evil mastermind and kick the chair to pieces.

Look, can't you see her? She's sitting on the bench. With the witch. She's talking, and laughing… and smiling that little smile that you love so much… don't you just want to wipe that smirk off her face? 

Think about it, one pull of the trigger and she's gone. She's gone for good, and they'll send a new slayer, one who, no doubt, will be *much* easier to kill, as well as the one after that and you'll have five. That's *five*. All bagged by William the bloody. And mate, five is most likely the record. Angelus only offed three, Dru's done in one. Hell, even Darla's only had a few.

Finally! Yes, that's right, ever so slightly, pull it… ok mate, now you're going ridiculously slow… we don't have all year. Oh bloody hell!!! Look, all this waiting to pull the trigger and now she's leaving! You really are pathetic! She was right there, and here you are with a gun, no chip and a clear view, and you can't pull the trigger before slayer ups and leaves.

Oh, don't be a wanker!! Get the gun away from your head. You know as I do that shooting yerself will only make you're life worse, and it sure as hell won't dust you. That's right, bring the gun down. You idiot. Wait… wait… look there, she's back… and with her little boy-toy! Two in one!! Right, so, steady yourself… you might wanna kill him first… if you do her first, he'll probably jump up and find you and dust you. 

Wait, the bitch is crying! She's crying! Why the hell is she sad! Spike, don't you dare go soft! Quick, soldier boy is yelling at her, kill him… Quick!!! NOW SPIKE! Now! Pull the fucking trigger! You idiot!!! Do it now!!

Amazing screams, how sweet the sound, that saved a wuss like me. 

There. Now, that wasn't so hard! Look at the slayer now, not so all together. Bloody hell, she's really quite a wimp when you get down to it, isn't she Spike. Look at her crying over the dead poofter. See, now, if she'd been bright enough to choose you, she'd never have that happen. But no, slayer has to be stubborn.

Steady the barrel again... Now you've got the hang of it! Ruthless as always, eh, Spike? Back to your old self. Fuck the slayer…

No, not in that way! You can't back out… bloody hell, she'll be off to get help soon… Steady the *FUCKING* gun! She'll never love you back, you ass! Just shoot her, than you can be rid of her *forever*. God, mate, you're willing to give up Dru for this one moment of glory and you're*buggering* out because you want to literally fuck the slayer.

There, now you're back on track. The trigger, boy, finger on the trigger. That's right. Steady… steady… she's still not moving. 

Oh god, she's looking up at you now, Spike. I told you she'd see you eventually. No point ducking now. Act cool… wave… a *sarcastic* wave, mate. You've just offed her boy.

Oh shit, slayer on a war path… that can't be good. She's headed this way idiot… what're you gonna do now. She's coming closer… oh, now she's running. Fine mess you've worked yourself into, isn't it.

Raise the gun, you poofter… you can hit her while she's running. Now you're fucked, she's just whipped a stake out… I said STEADY the gun, not drop it! 

Right, there, you'vegot it… now pull the trigger…

Oh god.

Oh…

  
She's just… just laying there… and oh god… you should know the answer to this one Spike… but do humans even have that much blood? So much for that beautiful blond hair… the blood… you've never been disgusted by blood before, have you?

She's dead, Spike… you did it… she's gone. Be happy. Dance. Smile… don't stand there like a deer in the headlights.

Boy, you killed the slayer!!! Have your self a damn good day!

No… get away from her body… I know you aren't going to pick that stake up…

Put it down, Spike… put it down… no, this isn't a game anymore, put the bloody stake down… at least get it away from the chest. Poke yourself too hard and dust will fly. 

Spike, I seriously suggest you put that stake down, you're going to dust somebody with it… No, oh god, how's this going to sound in the history books: Slayer was found with a bullet wound to the head right around the time William the bloody mysteriously disappeared. No one will know it was you, mate!

At least wait until you've told everyone if you're desperate to kill yourself, even if you are doing it over grief for killing the bloody twat.

Wait, change in plan. Look who's walking over… the prat boy… that zeppo. He looks pissed. Oh, bloody hell, Spike, just kill the little bugger… it's not like he'd be any use to you dead. 

Well, you certainly seemed to be quick on the gun for *that* shot. Bloody hell, you didn't even aim. Look at him fly… ooh, but Spike, mate, hitting the bugger in the leg probably isn't fatal. Right, go over to him. A good meal, eh?

There you go, now you've had your fill of blood *and* your third slayer. 

Nice job. 

Wait, the slayer's little witch is behind you… turn around…

Ah shit, she's got the slayer's … Oh crap…

Ah fuck… I warned you about that stake.

~fin~


End file.
